So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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