My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
