So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
