i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize