I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
