Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
