She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
