last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
