Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
