All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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