Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
