Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
