well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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