I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
