You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just gargled with NyQuil
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
