Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize