one two three fourrrrnication!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
