There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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