It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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