captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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