My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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