Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
