My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize