Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
