there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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