chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
