Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
