theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
