I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
