capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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