I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
