Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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