I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
