He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
