Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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