Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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