My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
