I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
