After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize