Already got asked if we're dating
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
