Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
