He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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