I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
