I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
