dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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