Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize