It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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