he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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