I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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