I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
