is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
