respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
