Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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