I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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