your thong is hanging out like whoa
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
