I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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