Swine flu. Run for my life!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize