She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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