Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
