I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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