mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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