i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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