her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i love accidental penises.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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