I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
