I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
