apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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